Too many thoughts..

It's too late. & I have too many thoughts so excuse me if I sound delirious or ridiculous.

I couldn't begin to explain where I am at right now. I mean, I suppose I could but it would take extreme vulnerability and clarity, neither of which I possess right now..and you know what? That's okay. Because I do know this: I am Bridget Irene Howe and as a wise friend reminded me, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I know God is working on me in ways I can't comprehend at the moment. I am learning to be content with that, yet still knowing that He doesn't desire for me to just standstill.

Here is the thing...I have been striving way too hard to obtain what I already possess through Jesus. I have been over thinking everything I feel like is "off" in my life, and underestimating the power of my Father in my life. This is an ugly combination.
But the realization I'm slowly coming to is that it's not striving for perfection, but rather letting HIM bring restoration to the soul. In order to do that, we have to be honest with ourselves, and more importantly, real with God. It's like I've been trying to convince myself that I am invincible, that I have everything worked out instead of admitting my brokenness and letting God work from there. Seems like something I should already know, but Satan has a way of twisting things, making everything so much more complicated then they should be. That's it too. It isn't supposed to be complicated. It's simple. Letting go is easy..it's easy because He has so much more to offer. The exchange isn't fair. I give Him all my junk, and in return, I get freedom beyond all comparison. But for whatever reason, sometimes we find so much security in holding onto everything that keeps us from living in complete freedom. Why? Because of fear and insecurity of the unfamiliar. Even though the things we hold on to weigh us down, they are comfortable; it's less frightening then stepping out into something we have never dared explore.

But that is what faith is: letting go and walking out on the water, knowing that when our eyes are fixed on Jesus, NOTHING can conquer us. Absolutely nothing. He has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to live victoriously, to trust that God is so good and loves us beyond measure..and even when we can't necessarily "feel' it, we can hold onto His promises and have faith that He WILL come through..He always does. Not matter what kind of lies Satan throws at you, hold on to what your heart knows to be true.

Simply, just be. Be who you were created to be, knowing you were created to be great and that everything and everyone God loves has great worth and purpose. No one can be you and you can't be anyone else..comparison doesn't make any sense in the eyes of God because we all have something to offer the world won't see unless we sink into our own skin and see the beauty.

Yes. I am a cheeseball. I can deal.

If that was a jumbled mess..oh well. It's after 3 a.m. So I shall leave you someone who makes a lot more sense of what I was trying to convey..

"There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion...The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried." Ralph Waldo Emerson

tighhhht.

Sleep well, Children of Worth.