Hydrate.

Oh, Lord. 

Where in the heck do I even begin to describe my first 9 days at camp? And for those of you who don't know, a week at camp feels like a month..in the best and worse way. Seriously..this blog might have been a bad idea for me..I won't be able to convey what is going on at all. But maybe that is a good thing.

I am full of contradictions. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I am completely alone in a new world, yet constantly surrounded by a new family who loves me and already knows much of my story. (mmm..gotta love those three hours of vulnerability and trust) I don't know who I am but I'm always learning more about the Lord. I don't know what I believe but I'm learning that slowly. I'm struggling with problems and sins I never acknowledged or thought I was done with and God is wrecking shop in my life. He really is testing my anxious thoughts, seeing if there is any offensive way in me, and leading me into the way everlasting (psalm 139)

ok..here is the thing. I have no idea what I'm saying right now because I have no idea how to convey how much God has been doing without writing a novel..so you guys are out of luck. Plus, I just don't feel like writing but since this is the first and only time I will be on the internet for quite some time, I figured I would write something...

Oh, but the reason I titled this "Hydrate" is because of the summer camp's theme. Its all about God's salvation and the Living Water of Jesus. Everyday has a different theme and its legit. Thirst. Satisfy. Cleanse. Drink. Sweat. 

It's seriously so awesome..have a blast figuring out those analogies. 

Alright..i'm sorry this blog is horrible. Definitely not one of my best. Although  this blog thing was a good idea, I doubt I will have much time to write in this. That's another thing I'm learning: putting the Lord and others in front of my own desires. And I'm coming to the full realization of how selfish I am.  

One last thought: John 14:14 "You may ask for anything in my name and I will do it."

Jesus, I'm putting my hope in that..so I hope you are out in that boat, waiting to grab my hand if I fall.

Alright. I don't know how this conveys my emotions but I am so drained right now. Two more weeks of intense training..then the campers come! Maybe my thoughts will come together later..but you won't know! muaha..

anyways, you are all on my heart and mind and I pray that God is doing BIG things in you. Tell me about them please :)

Love ya'll

If Grace is an ocean..

Wow. I don't know how to respond to life right now. Haaa..I haven't had a single moment to sit and think..so much has happened in the last two days..and all I want to do is rest. No time.
Friday: three exams, pack up my life, leave Abilene, go to good 'ole Grapevine. Saturday: shop all day for camp, dinner with the family, and now..I just finished packing.

I haven't really been able to decipher the mood I'm in, but the only word that describes it is Surreal. I feel like I'm experiencing jet lag but with more intensity and confusion. Nevertheless, the realization I'm coming to is that God gives us the Grace we need exactly when we need it. Even though I feel like I have no answers or clarity, He does and seems to speak the words that are needed-wisdom I couldn't muster if I tried. It is for this reason that I am so thankful I have had 1.5 days home before heading out. I have gotten the chance to encourage and share life with two friends that I haven't been able to do with that much confidence in quite some time. In both situations, God broke through the lies that I so easily believed and shined His light so bright.

More then ever, I am realizing that when we are weak, Jesus is made so strong. It's a strange concept. When I admit that I am weak and desperate without my Father, I am made victorious all the same. mmm..Grace. I love it, yet always struggle with allowing myself to sink in the ocean of Grace He provides. I won't lie.. I feel so unprepared for this summer. I don't think I fully understand that I am leaving tomorrow for THREE MONTHS. I don't really know what will happen but one thing i do expect is for God to shine in me. That His presence in me changes lives and I am going to bring Life. Not by my feeble mind but my God's Love & Power.

So here I am, learning to put my faith in You, Jesus. I am being stripped of my comfortable life and being taken on an adventure of complete dependency on Him.
I'm sick of talking about Him instead of talking TO Him. Of putting hope in an outcome instead of hope IN Him. I'm ready for my world to be rocked. Am I being a little too dramatic? Possibly. Okay..I have nothing else to say. But God does! :)

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in You I trust, O my God."

Psalm 25:1-2

keep claming Truth in your lives. When everything seems out of your control, trust that God is faithful always.

p.s. I wont have any cell phone service out there so if you care about me, you should write me! haha. but seriously. do it.

Camp Eagle
c/o Bridget Howe
6424 Hackberry Rd.
Rocksprings, TX 78880

Also..I just got skype so I can video chat on the weekends. ohhhh yes. Victory.

Too many thoughts..

It's too late. & I have too many thoughts so excuse me if I sound delirious or ridiculous.

I couldn't begin to explain where I am at right now. I mean, I suppose I could but it would take extreme vulnerability and clarity, neither of which I possess right now..and you know what? That's okay. Because I do know this: I am Bridget Irene Howe and as a wise friend reminded me, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I know God is working on me in ways I can't comprehend at the moment. I am learning to be content with that, yet still knowing that He doesn't desire for me to just standstill.

Here is the thing...I have been striving way too hard to obtain what I already possess through Jesus. I have been over thinking everything I feel like is "off" in my life, and underestimating the power of my Father in my life. This is an ugly combination.
But the realization I'm slowly coming to is that it's not striving for perfection, but rather letting HIM bring restoration to the soul. In order to do that, we have to be honest with ourselves, and more importantly, real with God. It's like I've been trying to convince myself that I am invincible, that I have everything worked out instead of admitting my brokenness and letting God work from there. Seems like something I should already know, but Satan has a way of twisting things, making everything so much more complicated then they should be. That's it too. It isn't supposed to be complicated. It's simple. Letting go is easy..it's easy because He has so much more to offer. The exchange isn't fair. I give Him all my junk, and in return, I get freedom beyond all comparison. But for whatever reason, sometimes we find so much security in holding onto everything that keeps us from living in complete freedom. Why? Because of fear and insecurity of the unfamiliar. Even though the things we hold on to weigh us down, they are comfortable; it's less frightening then stepping out into something we have never dared explore.

But that is what faith is: letting go and walking out on the water, knowing that when our eyes are fixed on Jesus, NOTHING can conquer us. Absolutely nothing. He has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to live victoriously, to trust that God is so good and loves us beyond measure..and even when we can't necessarily "feel' it, we can hold onto His promises and have faith that He WILL come through..He always does. Not matter what kind of lies Satan throws at you, hold on to what your heart knows to be true.

Simply, just be. Be who you were created to be, knowing you were created to be great and that everything and everyone God loves has great worth and purpose. No one can be you and you can't be anyone else..comparison doesn't make any sense in the eyes of God because we all have something to offer the world won't see unless we sink into our own skin and see the beauty.

Yes. I am a cheeseball. I can deal.

If that was a jumbled mess..oh well. It's after 3 a.m. So I shall leave you someone who makes a lot more sense of what I was trying to convey..

"There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion...The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried." Ralph Waldo Emerson

tighhhht.

Sleep well, Children of Worth.